02.15.05

I didn't get the glue-sniffing memo today. I swear, the calibre of people's wit today wouldn't blow up a flea. Difficult concepts like, "How many copies do you need?", "Is what we're copying in colour or black and white?" and "Push the 'on' button. It's located one inch above and one-half inch to the right of the large, green 'start' button on the front of the photocopier," caused great consternation and confusion.

Frustrating.

Then the laminating machine said, "Fuck you, you fucking, fuckity-fuck wankers." I wasn't aware that it'd developed sentience.

Hmph.

Speaking of sentience, I have never written about the refrigerator in the shop. The layer of slime mold along the back wall hisses at me every time I open the door. One time I put a protein drink in there. Ten minutes later, the empty bottle flew out and thwonked on the floor, followed by an epic burp that blew back the paper-folding machine about a meter.

It was spectacular.

Now I am back to my Proper Place in the Scheme of Things. I am Cat Ottoman, Extraordinaire. Whee!

Go be loud, gorgeous, and break 13 hearts.

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