08.04.05

Yeah, so it's okay for men to appear in public with orangutang hair growing from their backs and/or shoulders. Yet I still feel compelled to get out the hedge trimmers if I'm wearing a skirt, shorts, or a bathing suit. Bathing suits are the worst. Except for my fabulous, new, handmade 40s-style bathing suit--with a skirt and wee cotton bloomers underneath--that covers most everything.

Hallelujah.

Still, being the properly trained, European-US female of the late-20th/early 21st century, I feel uncomfortable if I don't shave. Ah, advertising. Being fair-skinned and dark-haired makes for some frightening contrasts; and I've never liked the look of longish leg hair trapped under stockings.

Shaving in the winter is a waste, except for the odd bellydance gig, or dress-up occasion. I often compromise with black tights and knee-high, black leather boots.

One spring, I was reading a short prose piece for the PCC Arts Week festival. I decided to wear a skirt (it was warm-ish). I'd been cultivating leg hair for months (this was during my 2-year hiatus from sex with another living, human being--so why bother?) and shaved almost all the hair off of my lower legs. Almost all the hair. I left a strip about an inch wide that ran from kneecap to ankle.

Well? If men can fiddly-fuss with their facial hair (and do some pretty silly things, i.e. a "soul finger"?), and women porn actors do some amazing things with the president. (Uhm, bush, bwah-hah-hah.) If we can do that, why not leg mohawks? Hmm?

Dang. That'd be funny. Everyone would vie to copy celebrities' designer leg looks. There'd be special leg hair salons that'd use stencils to pull hairs in order to spell out band names, designers' initials (Louis Vuitton's "LV" logo, anyone?), car manufacturers....

By the way, the conditioning was too well-ingrained. Cooler heads prevailed and I shaved off my leg mohawks. I was tempted. Great day in the morning, I was tempted.

Lordy, I'm tired. The job's busier than a one-legged man at an ass-kickin' contest. I'm babbling. Better stop while someone thinks I might have a chance at wit. Or it's too late.

Oh well. La la la!

Go. Be fabulous.

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