08.16.05

At 05:45 my alarum went off in the midst of some forgettable song from my mis-spent youth. HellKitty, anticipating the radio, had already slunk out of the closet (Where she's been sleeping lately, nestled in a pile of socks on a shelf, so now all my trousers have cat hair festooned around the bottoms of the legs and I feel like some 70s pimp with fur ankle-warmers and...where was I? Oh yeah.), and she crouched by the bedroom door. I clawed my way out of Morpheus' arms (the only arms I've been sleeping in for *mumbly-mumbly* long) and out to the kitchen.

I am such a well-trained, naked ape. KaliHellKitty swooped down on her food like a cormorant going for a mackerel. I pulled my robe shut, again, and doddered back to my room.

Into the shower to kick myself awake with a solid dose of hot water, sandalwood soap (I adore the scent of sandalwood), and a good scrub. Aaaaaaaaa. Is there much better than this? Not right now. No. Wait. Aaaaa, yeah. My fantasy coffee-man wandered in with a hot cuppa, and a hot...goodness, will you look at the time?

Out of the shower, and into my workday uniform. As my job doesn't allow blue jeans, I have compromised and gotten brown jeans. And olive green jeans. I wonder how close I could get to blue? Is purple acceptable? What about indigo? (Wasn't the original serge de Nimes cloth dyed with indigo?) Indian cotton, snap-front shirt (because I love the thp-thp-thp sound they make when I take the shirt off at the end of the day--it's rather naughty)in a floral print, and I'm almost ready to go.

I leaned over the sink to put on some mascara and saw a silvery-grey hair standing proudly above the rest of the hairs on me noggin. A little crinkly, but silver as a full moon on a clear, clear night.

I felt as if I'd been whapped in the face with a bag of wet socks. But in a very good way--if that's possible. Maybe if they were Angelina Jolie's socks. Or Johnny Depp's. Freshly washed, not so much into dirty feet... where was I? Oh yeah.

What hit was the certainty that I can't control what's going on around me. (I ain't quick, but I get there eventually, then I veer away for another parenthetical remark and before you know it, I'm yapping about weasels, and shoes, and the state of radish-farming in the Urals) However, I can colour my experience by how I respond to it. Duh. (Did I say how good it was for me to stay at the house this weekend? It was.)

In short (and to those who made it through this convoluted mess--huzzah!), if I see the world as ugly, mean, and out to get me--that's what it will be.

I know this. I so know this. Like any lesson, I learn and forget, learn and forget, learn and forget. Oh that I were wise ere I grew old. *grin*

I am convinced, about a second before you die, that you get It. The whole shebang, tamale, the entire dang point of it all. I'm pretty sure it's not 42; but what if it were?

Work, while stressful, didn't get to me today. Yeah, there was a lot to do. I was alone in the shop from 07:30 until about 14:30--answering calls, doing production work (one order, over 11,000 pages *golly!*), hand-folding 500 brochures, babysitting graphics files, dealing with clients' issues, etc. and it was okay.

I think it was because I got over myself. Rather than seeing everything as a massive inconvenience to me (railly dahlink, it's All About Me), every thing was just another thing to do. It worked.

After I left the shop, I picked up some photos a friend needs scanned and e-mailed to his friend who's teaching in Paris. I hope to see Paris sometime before I die. That'd be grand. Then I met another friend, and gave him his new, improved, and hyper-sexy business cards--after I rushed his last set and royally screwed them up--ugh! He was talking with a guy about mythology, Apache trackers, dreams, reality, Western society, joy and our capacity to trick ourselves away from it...

Pretty odd, neh?

We sat at the cafe for an hour or so chasing these ideas around and around.

I know this is going to sound all hippy and shit; but isn't it amazing how much we find when we let ourselves see?

How lovely to be reminded.

Now go. Be fabulous.

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