09.25.05

Got my big hug yesterday afternoon--with apologies for how long it took to get to me. Me? Not so concerned, didn't put a time limit on the receiving.

JR and I went multi-sided die shopping, bead shopping, had coffee/chai, talked, and made necklaces yesterday. It was faboo.

Quite enjoyed walking into the floopy-music, self-consciously arty bead shop. J and I were so Not Of This Tribe--though I saw some stuff that's going to look good on bellydance bras. Speaking of which...

...have I got an amazing bra in the works? Oh yes I do. Still in the decoration phase (the best part) but it promises to be both more substantial than previous bras, and more provocative. Because I boulder. Nyah.

Meanwhile, I am stepping up my apartment search. I'll be even more poor, but I need to be me in my own space. This driving out the the 'burbs is for the birds. Plus, if I'm going to be Involved, living at Mater's is like wearing a chastity belt. It's bad enough that I've talked with her a bit about what's going on--the eternal judgment and her constant worry is tiring.

Yes. I'm whining. I know how lucky I am to have her in my life--I do. Just that sometimes...oy. Her concern comes from both love and the need to control her entire environment.

Mater's biggest concern about my moving out is safety--not that it isn't mine--but she lives in a very scary, very proscribed world. She forgets that I lived in DC when it was the murder capital of the country. That I lived in LA, barrio-edge, for two years. It's no guarantee of safety, and random violence can hit anyone, anywhere, and at any time. I know this. But I cannot let fear rule me. Fear has lead me for too many years, and I'm sick of it.

So what if I'm scared? If you aren't scared every so often, you ain't living life. What a terrible thing to do; fritter away the joy of living in fear of some bugaboo.

Ugh. Not gonna do it. Damnit.

Go. Be fabulous.

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