10.16.05

Furiously trying to write and create. While I've had some luck--one poem done--I've gotten feverish and giddy. Maybe that's my muse?

Fundraiser this afternoon for Northwest medical teams working in N'awlins--still.

Still can't read anything I wrote for/about HK. Though I did get an angry e-mail from him last Friday. I am amazed at how self-delusional we can be. Somehow, it all turned into my fault. Somehow, I don't have the right to be angry that he was fucking another woman--a drug addict--all while saying he wanted me back in LA. Selfish, little boy.

I'm so tired of boys. And I know I'd run in terror from a man. That is, if such a creature exists.

I'm so scared and gun shy. I'm afraid that I can't feel again. And if I do, will I be too afraid to risk?

Oh well. I suppose it will work itself out.

Go. Be fabulous.

Because you are.

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