03.30.06

I got the strangest compliment today. One of our regular customers (who's asked me out to lunch "no strings attached") came up and asked for a librarian, please, to go.

Took me a second. Realizing it was me, (d'oh!) I laughed. Told him how a friend had asked if my librarian and biker bitch personae ever got together and partied. Customer-guy's eyes lit up and he muttered, "Pup tent."

So I thanked him for the compliment.

He started walking away, then turned back. "Another compliment," he said, "I'd give my left testicle..."

Goodness.

Again I laughed, and thanked him for the additional compliment.

I don't know if it's due to my new (and hard-won) sexual confidence, but those sorts of comments don't frighten me like they used to. After all, I control the supply--and can say no or yes. I think, up until very recently, I resented/feared the gut response that I got from guys who found me attractive. Thanks to Mater, I felt as if in showing me attention of any sort, I owed him something. That I had to be "nice." And oftentimes that gives the impression of interest. What a stupid idea. It's more honest to say thank you, and keep moving.

I owe a lot of it to Stuff. He's shown me that I can be me. I can be both lewd and refined. That I don't have to play the stupid madonna/whore game. Because I am both, and more.

La, la, la.

Be fabulous.

Back one. ||||| Forward one.