05.08.06

One of the services that the coffee shop offers is catering.

Today I had to venture into the bowels of corporate culture to deliver coffee and accessories to newly-hired employees.

Walked into the training room at 08:00 just in time to hear the moderator droning about the schedule and that his CV was on the front of the hand-out.

Dear Orion in the firmament, how many times did I hear that same speech in the 10 years that I was Corporate? Straight up out of public speaking 101; announce your agenda, display your credentials, speak clearly and distinctly.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

The lights dimmed, and I felt cubicle walls closing in on me. Is there such a thing as post-traumatic corporate disorder?

Barely escaped by gnawing off the ID badge/electronic key.

Went back up at 10:00. Replaced the old pots of coffee with new ones. The moderator said, "They're [Hi! It's me, and there is only one of me, ergo, 'they're' is inaccurate, ungrammatical, and wrong] taking away the coffee that we didn't get a chance to drink."

"Yes," I said, "I am the notorious coffee thief of the 10th floor. Now that you have seen my super-secret superpower, I must go."

*crickets chirping*

I'd forgotten, corporate doesn't deal well with absurdities not perpetrated by them.

"Well," I said, "Have fun." And got the hell out of there before I snapped.

It's taken multiple viewings of A Dirty Shame to make Everything Better. Thank whatever that John Waters exists and makes movies.

Fabooliciousness-

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