06.22.06

I am iyama no onna today. Fair warning.

(Literal translation: loud and noisy woman. Colloquial translation: bitch)

Dear Lady-Who-Comes-for-Coffee-Every-Damn-Day;

Alright. You buy your medium-sized cup of drip coffee every day. Every day you spend five minutes figuring out if you want the espresso dolce roast mixed with the Italian roast, or the breakfast blend mixed with the double French roast. It's fucking drip coffee. Not a means of highlighting your wonderful character.

You lay out your entire collection of bags, purses, folders, and briefcase on the counter. It doesn't matter that there are 17 people standing in line behind you. You want to chat. Fuck you with your everyone else can wait because I'm being served now attitude.

Is there some cosmic reason why you must charge your $1.60 cup of coffee and get a receipt every damn day? Why does it take you so long to find the damned credit card every day? And why (oh, why) do you always wait until your coffee is served before handing over your card? You must know that it takes another few minutes for the damned machine to call the bank (or whatever the hell it does).

Is being trapped the only way people listen to you? 'Cause it's the only way I'll listen to you.

You come in every afternoon within five minutes of us closing. You want your free refill, and you want to chat. Fuck you lady. I'm making fuck-all for money and I'm done for the day. It's fucking free--you don't get to complain about shit. I'm not sorry we don't have your oh-so-special-and-personalized preferences two minutes before we shut down. No, you don't get any of the end-of-the-day pastries.

Quit taking seven packets of honey, three sugars, and all the plastic spoons you can carry. You want milk? Fine. Don't pour, then sip, then pour more milk, then sip some more, and pour, and sip, and pour--you penny-pinching, cheap-ass, we-should-all-be-blessed-by-your-self-important, boorish self.

Here's a flash; it's a tip jar. Fucking contribute.

(Phew. Ain't I just a pleasant burst of tolerant fabulousness?)

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