03.09.07

My exciting Friday:

go to work
do laundry

Here's the funny part, I'm going over to D's to do it. Hey, he offered and I could use the help.

If I'm being honest with myself (which is wicked difficult) there's a part of me that wants him to see me as much as possible--perhaps to rub his nose in what he's missing out on. Childish? Yes. Is it going to stop me? No.

I've realized another thing; part of what upsets me is that he couldn't talk to me a couple of months ago when he started feeling uneasy. I tried, knowing his self-professed fear of conflict, to create a situation where he'd feel safer and more comfortable expressing how he felt. I told him a number of times, and proved it, that no matter how angry or upset that I was, I would hear him out. I know that I made some strides, but it hurts that he couldn't trust me enough this time.

Last Saturday, when we talked, he said that his thinking only went so far as his telling me what was up, and me simply leaving. He should know by now that I don't do that. I want to understand, and I'll hang around until I do.

Poor, silly, man. Letting his fears rule. It's a shame.

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