04.08.05

ArcAngel, NiceGuy, and Hiss...I knew I could count on y'all to feel my pain about that word. It's always a thrill to get notes, but when I opened my e-mail this morning and saw three notifications; well, let's just say there was tingling involved. Not tinkling, tinGling. Gee whiz. Oh.

Help! I'm punning and I can't get up.

I've been rather disappointed in myself this week. I could blame the exclamation point, but that'd be taking the easy way out. I could also blame the news that my ex- is getting married. Or it could be the sales rep based out of the shop who stands on my last nerve. However, I'm not sure what triggered it. Probably a buncha crap.

For the past couple of weeks I've felt as if I'd regressed into an earlier, more insecure, version of myself. The insecurity manifested by incessant chatter about me by me, name-dropping, and selfish pride. Ugh! I hate that version of me.

I had a very firm talk with myself last night. I told myself to shut the fuck up, and to remember to listen. When I concentrate on what someone else is saying, it reminds me that I am not the only person on the planet.

Yeah, yeah--thanks a lot, o' Oberfrau of the Obvious.

Today, as I put it into practice, the day seemed to smooth out. It wasn't easy, I had to pull back the bit in my mouth when I caught myself talking without thinking. Still, driving wasn't as unpleasant. Clients seemed nicer. It was like gliding down a mountain on a snowboard when everything is going right. Relaxed, but alert.

Golly.

KHK is requesting my presence on the floor. I believe it's kitty ottoman time. Yay. I went to the library this afternoon and got some other books, so KO-time is great. Oh, joy. Oh, wallow.

Go. Be fabulous.

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