12.20.05

Why I�ll Never Be on Taxicab Confessions: Las Vegas Edition or, the Wrap-Up

After cold running slots at Binyon�s on Fremont, me and the guys stepped outside to another Fremont Experience. This one was blessedly free of jingoism and boo-yah madness. Yay!

This projection was all �60s hits with flying die, horseracing, and gigantic women in candy-covered costumes lasciviously licking lollipops. �Sugar, Sugar� indeed.

We hopped into a cab, and headed back to the hotel. Quiet ride, and I�m glad I didn�t wonder aloud at the amusing nipple experience. Pardon me, Nipple Experience. As we pulled up, I went for my wallet. Hey, it was definitely my turn to pay. Couldn�t; my arms were wedged between me and the guys. Argh.

�Damn,� I said, �My arms are wedged.�

�Oho,� said the cabbie, �Don�t be doing anything naughty back there.� He pointed at a small camera mounted to the bottom of the rearview mirror. �See, HBO�s Taxicab Confessions.�

�Yeah, well. Uh, we�re too boring.� I said.

Back to the hotel, where we amused ourselves by watching the working girls work the bar. They were working hard. I noticed casino security gathering. They were quite discreet. One or two of the officers would walk over, talk quietly to one of the women. A minute later, she would leave. Then they�d work on the next one.

On to a few games of video roulette. I stopped at a few dollars down. Things were running cold, and I�m fiscally conservative enough to realize that it was Time to Stop.

Next morning, we met in the suite. ChosenBrother��s friend showed me some of his photography work. He has a good eye for light and composition.

We checked out. I loitered around the front desk, looking suspicious. A man moved in front of me, then turned and asked if I was in line. I shook my head no, and said that I was hanging out, looking for trouble. �Why are you looking for trouble?�

��Cause it�s fun.�

He wandered away.

Back to the Buffet o� Doom for lunch. We just beat a huge group into the place, and we laid to. I was smarter this time�smaller portions to get a wider sampling of their spread. Mostly edible, but the desserts were dire.
After lunch, the guys played slots for a while. Feeling unlucky (and knowing the Vegas is a town built on people who can�t do math) I hovered around. After about an hour, bored, I took one of the 20s that I�d won and threw it into a nickel slot machine. Found money�so nothing lost if I piss it away. Three pulls and I looked at the winnings.

$116.00

It took a minute for it to register. I ain�t the quickest horse out of the gate.

�Wubba?� I said. Then I cashed out. �Thank you and good night, Cleveland.�

I knew that that was as good as it was gonna get.

For the first time, I came out ahead in Vegas.

I rule!

*laugh*

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